My Very Own GPS

My Very Own GPS
I have a little GPS
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My GPS is my wife
It gives me full instructions

Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake
It tells me when a light is red

And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to interveneIt lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice
It fills me up with counseling

Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damn thing off